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Dec 29, 2009, 12:10am

Forward Observer: Peering from a fox-hole :: General :: Bad Drivers: Confused or Crazy? :: Confusion In Motion... is this you? (Humor)

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Topic: Confusion In Motion... is this you? (Humor) (Read 370 times)

Daniel P. Taverne
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Confusion In Motion... is this you? (Humor)
« Thread Started on Apr 4, 2005, 10:02pm »

Bad Drivers: Confusion in Motion
Am I talking about you, or do you?

By Daniel Taverne

I can’t stand other drivers! I couldn’t stand them when I was able to drive, and now that my wife does all the driving, I find that I still can‘t stand them! Don’t people remember anything they learned in drivers-ed? I remember my driver education class. I also remember a lot of my class mates not paying attention. So I guess it goes without saying that those, now adults, get confused whenever they try to recall things they should have learned. The problem with this is, they’re trying to recall these things while driving!

Take the ‘Two-Second-rule’ for example. Do you remember the two second rule? No, it doesn’t mean forget the driving rules two seconds after you take your driving test! It doesn’t mean two seconds after the light turns green you must be doing sixty miles an hour. Nor does it mean that it’s okay to stop on the interstate on-ramp (if you only stop for two seconds) prior to merging. As you can see the two second rule appears to be a confusing rule for many people. It very simply means that you should maintain a two second interval between your car, and the car ahead of you.

‘Following distance’ is another term I’ve noticed people having a difficult time understanding. Frankly, I wish there was a book to teach them what it isn’t! Following distance does not refer to your skidding distance following slamming on your brake pedal. It is not defined as the distance traveled when following someone home from the pub. Certainly it doesn’t refer to the distance it’s safe to drive following drinking at that pub. In a way, for this last example, following distance could mean the distance driven to jail (in a squad car) following being pulled over.

Reaction-time is another one of those confusing concepts. For example, some people define it as the time it takes to put down their cell-phone and ‘flip you off’. Others think it’s the time it takes to roll down their window and scream obscenities. Amazingly, some people have become unbelievably astute at performing these three actions, and can do them (simultaneously within the time it takes me to react with, “Oh my God!”. Still others believe that ‘following distance’ is the distance traveled while searching for their cell- phone: Searching the floor-board with one hand (while steering down the road with the other - after it slipped from the hand) while applying make-up!
Now can you see why I don’t like other drivers?
Another driving thing many people (myself included) can’t seem to understand is the labeling of stretches of highway (where you have to slow down) ‘speed zones‘? Just because I don’t speed through them, doesn’t mean I understand them. Unfortunately, I have witnessed (first-hand) many people flying through school ‘speed-zones’ dodging kids left and right as if they were insignificant orange cones on a stunt driving course.

Highway construction signs that read, ’men working give them a brake’ are confusing to more than a few people; I’ve noticed. It’s because of this knowledge that I’ll never be one of those workers. Believe it or not, my brother-in-law is a highway worker. Last Thursday a driver slowed down and threw a used brake pad at him shouting, “have a brake!” If that isn’t bad enough, last year I saw a driver give a worker two breaks: both of them legs!

Many people even get confused in shopping-center parking lots. They think that if they can use their hand to put on and take off their cap, then they can park in the handicapped spot! Worse still, women loose their minds in shopping-center parking-lots . They drive super slow (eyes quickly darting this way and that) while waiting for some shopper to finally come out and head up one of the many parking lanes. If the shopper selects the next lane over, the creeping-woman-driver suddenly floors it; squalling her tires (burning rubber) like she’s doing a victory burn out at Daytona! God forbid another driver pulls into that spot before she gets there! The ,now irate woman driver has the perfect opportunity to ‘show-off’ her reaction-time by rolling down her window, screaming and flipping him off (in a flash)!

Being able to perform a U-turn, a three-point-turn, as well as being able to parallel park are skills that can certainly come in handy from time to time. Unfortunately, I have come to suspect that many people get confused when they attempt the execution of such maneuvers. A ‘U-turn’ turns into a U-end-up-in-the-ditch turn, a ’three-point-turn’ ends up being a ’three hour display of transmission shifting ability, and parallel parking looks like someone ran out of gas (in the middle of the road) and left the car right where it quit! People who drive like this should have their licenses revoked! Don’t you agree?

To sum this all up, you take your life in your own hands whenever you are on the road with stupid, idiotic, and confused drivers. It doesn’t matter if you are driving, just riding (like me) or simply a pedestrian you must keep your eyes open at all times. Sometimes though, I think I’d be better off if I went around blindfolded. This way, I wouldn’t see all the confusion going on around me. Actually, I tried this once. and it didn’t work out. As a matter of fact, it caused even more confusion! After I got pulled over, the officer asked me what I thought I was doing. Bragging, because I thought I was so knowledgeable with driving terms, I proudly told him (as I switched off my ignition) I was just practicing my night driving!”<br>

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Lil4WheelinDeb
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Re: Confusion In Motion... is this you? (Humor)
« Reply #1 on Mar 31, 2006, 8:37am »

I totally agree with what is being said here! I personally do not feel comfortable with someone riding on my bumper when I'm on a 4 lane highway with my kids in the car going 60mph or faster in a 55mph speed zone. You never know what could happen in an instant. I am a daughter, a sister, a mother, a wife, an employee and a friend to some people in this world and if something were to happen to me because some ignorant a-hole is late for work, it would be hurting more than just me. So remember that the next time you over slept and are late to where ever it is you need to be, because all of my friends and family members will be seeing you in court!

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